Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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