I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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