don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
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we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
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its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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