my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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