Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
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Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
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It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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