like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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