she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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