I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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