I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
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I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
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There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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