I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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