So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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