drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
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You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
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You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you π
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
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