No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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