i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize