I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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