Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize