Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
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You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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