can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy sore nipples Batman
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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