Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(308): View more from Nebraska

I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad

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(308): I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad http://tfl.nu/3y6v

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(314): View more from Missouri

My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.

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(314): My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control. http://tfl.nu/vcg1

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(317): View more from Indiana

she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"

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(317): she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES" http://tfl.nu/88gh

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(+26): View more from

And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.

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(+26): And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores. http://tfl.nu/l5oq

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(914): View more from New York

she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?

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(914): she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal? http://tfl.nu/dwfw

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(616): View more from Michigan

bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store

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(616): bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store http://tfl.nu/dcxn

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(786): View more from Florida

And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.

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(786): And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots. http://tfl.nu/xlfm

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(507): View more from Minnesota

She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(

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(507): She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :( http://tfl.nu/2xc0

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(352): View more from Florida

She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.

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(352): She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later. http://tfl.nu/9nzg

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(916): View more from California

I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.

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(916): I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it. http://tfl.nu/ir5l

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(630): View more from Illinois

Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.

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(630): Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head. http://tfl.nu/xpy4

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(317): View more from Indiana

I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk

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(317): I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk http://tfl.nu/c9us

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(480): View more from Arizona

I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.

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(480): I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level. http://tfl.nu/m64o

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(954): View more from Florida

in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.

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(954): in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine. http://tfl.nu/pi7u

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(859): View more from Kentucky

Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time

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(859): Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time http://tfl.nu/a2fb

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