So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize