theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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