tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
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I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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