I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
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