my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
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Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
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He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize