How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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