i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
The air taste purple.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize