she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
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i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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