one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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