He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
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Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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