I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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