Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
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They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
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Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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