im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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