my phone needs a breathalizer
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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