so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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