I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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