Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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