he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
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He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
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All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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