My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
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Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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