he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize