I need help removing her.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
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These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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