My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
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just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
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Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
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