I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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