Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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