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i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
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