Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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