My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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