i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
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Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
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My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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