I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize