Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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