it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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